We
live in a busy and often confusing world.
As married people, we can sometimes feel like we are just running from
one crisis to another! While we juggle
all the challenges, Jesus reminds us that marriage has a basic purpose – for
two people to become one. It makes no
sense for us to “put out all the little fires” but miss out on the exciting
rewards of love, harmony and intimacy.
What does it mean to you to “become one” with your
spouse? Think of a time when you really
felt close and intimate. What was going
on in your relationship then that helped you feel this way? What obstacles have entered your lives to
keep you and your mate apart emotionally?
Take time today to re-commit yourself to being a
soul-mate and friend to your mate. Write down a sentence that expresses your
dream for intimacy in your marriage.
Share this with your spouse. Pray
a daily prayer for God to restore and strengthen your sense of oneness and
togetherness.
Every
individual is created by God to be special and unique, but our differences can
sometimes make it difficult for couples to get along. The scriptures teach wives to be submissive
and adaptive to their mate. Husbands are
taught to be “considerate” towards their wives, which involves “considering,”
studying and understanding them. Marriages get stronger when each partner
understands what brings out the best (and the worst!) in the other.
What do you consider the best qualities of your
husband or wife? What are the things you
do that bring out the best qualities in your spouse? What are the worst
tendencies of your mate? What are the
things you do that tend to bring out the ugly side of your spouse’s
personality?
Make four lists: (1) list 3 things your spouse does
that bring out the best in you, (2) list 3 things they do that tend to bring
out your worst, (3) list 3 things you do that bring out the best in your spouse
and (4) list 3 things you do that tend to bring out their worst. Compare your four lists with your
spouse’s. After you stop laughing, make
decisions to learn, change and grow in these areas.
The
Bible lays out clear instructions concerning the roles of husbands and wives in
a successful marriage. The man must lead
spiritually! He must be a leader,
listener and lover. The wife should be
her husband’s greatest encourager! She
must strive to be respectful, rational and responsive with her husband.
If you are a husband, how are you doing as a leader,
listener and lover? Which of these areas
would you say needs the most work? What
would your wife say? If you are a wife, how
are you doing in being respectful, rational and responsive with your
husband? What areas need the most
work? What would your husband say?
Husbands, ask your wife to list some ways you can improve as a leader, listener and lover. Make a decision to grow more Christlike in these areas. Wives, ask your husband to list ways you can be more respectful, rational and responsive toward him. Decide to work on your shortcomings and be a better counterpart to the man God gave you.
Even
a crusty old single guy like Paul understood the important part sex plays in
the normal life of married people. Males
and females were created by God for the joy of physical oneness, not just for
procreation! We are “one person” and our
bodies belong to each other.
What are your dreams for your sexual
relationship? Have you given up on
getting closer to those goals? What
obstacles conspire to keep these dreams from coming true? What practical decisions
can you make together to move your romantic relationship in a more positive
direction?
Set up a special appointment with your spouse to
discuss ways you can make your sexual relationship more fullfilling and
special. Repent and share your personal
commitment to make progress in this important area of life. List the practical steps both of you can take
to protect, nurture, grow and excell romantically!
The
Song of Songs celebrates the joys of marital love. While it includes a heavy emphasis on the
sexual side of marriage, it has a larger point to make about the things that
make marriage beautiful, special and fun!
It encourages us to be willing to give all we have (even “a thousand
shekels” 8:12) to keep it lavish and entertaining.
Has your marriage become boring and stale? Are you always making plans and spending
money to keep life exciting for yourselves as a couple? Do you go on special dates? Do you give special gifts? Do you plan vacations to keep the fires of
companionship and passion burning brightly?
Identify harmful patterns in your relationship that
may have led you toward an uninspiring, ordinary and mundane marriage. Apologize for ways you have taken each other
for granted and allowed the thrill of romance to cool off. Make some plans together of ways you can
spice things up with special activities and adventures (within your budget of
course!)
When
Paul urged the Philippian disciples to “contend as one man for the sake of the
gospel,” he understood that people are drawn closer to each other as they work
together to face common obstacles. This
is also true for couples! In our daily
lives, and even serving God in our ministries, we can drift apart.
What activities tend to take you and your mate in
different directions, working separately? What are some objectives, hobbies and
projects that you and your spouse can pursue together? What are some areas of church activity you
can both be involved in together?
Set up a weekly time to share, plan and dream for
your common goals. Decide to do as much
as possible together - eating, sleeping, playing, working, etc. Look for ways to increase the opportunities
for both of you to serve together spiritually – praying, studying, serving,
evangelizing, etc.